Constanation
by Tysoyo Kalli
Summary: In a state of confusion and perplexity with his relationship with a certain blonde doctor, Michael is almost utterly confused about himself and how he functions in his life.


Disclaimer: Erm... do I look like I own the one and only Baby-doll?! I ONLY HAVE HIS CLONE WHO'S JUST A JERKOFF!!!!!  
  
Miguel- I resent that...  
  
Time Frame: (Miguel- not Fime Trame Kalli...) (Kalli- - - your irriatating Miguel...) um... somewhere.... after Michael found out that Raphael kept the rumors about Lucifer from Michael...?  
  
Note: erm... random inspiration and a good workout for a lazy muse.  
  
Miguel- I'm not lazy... I just don't like working all the time...  
  
Kalli- Lazy ass muse.  
  
Miguel- you really should cut back on the language there Kal-chan  
  
Kalli- -BEEEEEEEEEEEEP- HAPPY YOU LITTLE -BEEEP-  
  
Miguel- erm.... yeah here's the fic everyone... Kalli's kinda... erm... PMSing I guess..  
  
Kalli- I AM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Consternation  
  
____----====----_____  
  
I have to be confusing close friendship with love. I just have to be.  
  
I mean, sure he's alway stuck by me. Always took whatever the fuck I threw at him. And stays by my side. But he doesn't love me. Cause he's a selfish little bastard that only cares for himself. And I can't love people cause... its just disgusting.  
  
But why do I always feel, whenever we're just... us... that I want him to hold me, touch me, do something. I even envy his fucking cigarettes sometimes cause they get to touch his lips sometimes.  
  
What's worst is when I know he's with someone else, fucking their brains out. And I wonder what is like. I mean... really. Whats so great about shoving that useless piece of flesh into someone else?  
  
Its so confusing. I mean sure, we've kissed before. But they wern't what he gives to women. He's so tender and... makes it seems like they are the only thing in this world for him. Thats untill he throws them out afterwards. But not with me.. our's are rough dominating ones...  
  
Is it wrong for me to... want that type of contact? I think it is wrong. But, obviously, by body doesn't think so.  
  
I can't count the number of times I've had to resist just jumping him and just wanting to... do something more than on a friendship basis.  
  
I mean... he's always been there for me. Knows me inside and out. And I want to know him like that. I want to know all his little secrets. He keeps so much from me. Its almost amazing how much he balances and still finds time to find a woman to fuck. It really is.  
  
What the hell am I thinking really? Its not like its really bothering me, right? I mean I'm Michael, the Great Angel or WAR, for the love of God!  
  
I cannot stand mushy little love scenes, or cuddle wuddle shit. I.... I really want it though...  
  
Whats worst is hearing him talk. In that smooth silky voice he has... the way he flips his tongue lightly when talking. I wish he'd talk to me like that. Not in that dead tone thats really him. That tone... where you know he's hurting but he wont let it out. Cause he's always trying to be strong and protective of me.  
  
Even when he protected me from the rumors of my brother. I can't stay mad at him for that. Alittle irritated, but not angerly mad.  
  
He protects me from the pain... and yet he causes a completly different kind.  
  
I hate him for that. The way he does things. Fuck.  
  
I'm not inlove with that stupid blonde doctor.  
  
I'm not casue I don't love.  
  
But.... I want to be loved.  
  
I want to be loved by my best friend. The only one who accepts me as a person and not just as some royal pain in the ass. He, at least, understands what my problems are. Well, sorta.  
  
Most of my problems he knows!  
  
Just some... I don' think he'd want to know...  
  
I mean how many friends like to hear that the closest thing they got to... to something, is lusting after them in a most disgusting way. Hell, I'm not sure if he's even INTO guys. Fucking hell, thats like a worst sin than just fucking a woman!  
  
I wonder where that idiot is right now anyways. Probly off.... with someone... or else at home alone drowning in his own selfawareness.  
  
Wish I was there to help him. I really do.  
  
But... he'd expect me to break something in his house, or else just be a total jackass.  
  
Not the child that wants something more to life than just... just a friend.  
  
____----====----____  
  
Owari....? Or continue..?  
  
Miguel- *streaches* Ahh I feel so acomplished.  
  
Kalli- ...... dickwad.........  
  
Miguel- look I'm working here, Kal-chan.  
  
Kalli- then get onto that Sevi fic. And that Zaphie-kun one and that KatouxSetsuna one!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Miguel- jeeze... just give me moment I just finished Michael museing one.  
  
Kalli- WORK YOU LAZY ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Miguel- .....  
  
Kalli- *laughs not sanely* WORK WORK WORK I SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Miguel- erm... this is going to be a long night... 


End file.
